Letting go of 2011
Everyone goes through ups and downs in their lives. It is how we deal with it that determines the outcome. It is easier to deal with the ups because we are in a happy state and feel empowered. However, it is the downs that test our courage and determination.
2011 has been tumultuous year for me. I found myself questioning a lot about my future and making decisions that did not fall favourably with some people in my life but I felt I had to do something about it. No one else could change the situation that needed addressing except me. I also found out real truths that were hidden behind promises made to me previously. In this whole process, I learned and realised that I lost some things to gain others.
Some days I wake up feeling lonely and question my decision while other days I am raring to go because it feels right and am happy. When I am down, I look for inspiration to lift me up. It may be a phone call to a friend or just looking for something online to read. One of my sources of inspiration has been Tiny Wisdom (http://tinybuddha.com/) Today, I came across something that caused me to ponder:
40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
(http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/)
From that list of 40, these struck me:
1. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
2. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
3. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
A little digression, if you will allow me. I have always been happy with my little accomplishments over the years. That is one thing I always had in me. It gave me hope that if I could do that, I am capable of bigger things. However, I cannot help but remember how some people used to dampen my high spirits. I recall one incident being overjoyed seeing three months' worth of salary on a bonus cheque. I felt my hard work had paid off and felt appreciated. However, that joy was quickly shot down when one of my colleagues (who, by the way, earned three times more than I did on any given month) said very proudly "Your bonus is nothing. I earn that amount every month."
I faced a similar situation recently. I was so proud of the fact that I could save up loose change and within a month stashed away about $100. That is quite an achievement for me seeing that I was never able to do that previously with pocket change. I felt I had accomplished something in life - as small as it looks to some. When I mentioned this to a friend, my joy was shortlived for a moment when she said "$100 is nothing. Mine is always double that." I told that friend that my earning power is not as big as hers.
After that instead of feeling inferior like the previous time with the bonus cheque issue, I remembered a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
2011 has been tumultuous year for me. I found myself questioning a lot about my future and making decisions that did not fall favourably with some people in my life but I felt I had to do something about it. No one else could change the situation that needed addressing except me. I also found out real truths that were hidden behind promises made to me previously. In this whole process, I learned and realised that I lost some things to gain others.
Some days I wake up feeling lonely and question my decision while other days I am raring to go because it feels right and am happy. When I am down, I look for inspiration to lift me up. It may be a phone call to a friend or just looking for something online to read. One of my sources of inspiration has been Tiny Wisdom (http://tinybuddha.com/) Today, I came across something that caused me to ponder:
40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
(http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/)
From that list of 40, these struck me:
1. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.
2. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.
3. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.
A little digression, if you will allow me. I have always been happy with my little accomplishments over the years. That is one thing I always had in me. It gave me hope that if I could do that, I am capable of bigger things. However, I cannot help but remember how some people used to dampen my high spirits. I recall one incident being overjoyed seeing three months' worth of salary on a bonus cheque. I felt my hard work had paid off and felt appreciated. However, that joy was quickly shot down when one of my colleagues (who, by the way, earned three times more than I did on any given month) said very proudly "Your bonus is nothing. I earn that amount every month."
I faced a similar situation recently. I was so proud of the fact that I could save up loose change and within a month stashed away about $100. That is quite an achievement for me seeing that I was never able to do that previously with pocket change. I felt I had accomplished something in life - as small as it looks to some. When I mentioned this to a friend, my joy was shortlived for a moment when she said "$100 is nothing. Mine is always double that." I told that friend that my earning power is not as big as hers.
After that instead of feeling inferior like the previous time with the bonus cheque issue, I remembered a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
Coming back to the list of 40, here are other points that I find poignant:
4. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
5. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings. (this inspired me to write today).
6. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
7. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
8. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
(I do not have a fireplace. So tearing it up will be just as good).
9. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
10.Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
Going through the list does not fix me but it brings to light that situations do not have to remain bleak. It gives hope. It tells me that the sun will come up tomorrow.
4. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.
5. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings. (this inspired me to write today).
6. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.
7. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”
8. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
(I do not have a fireplace. So tearing it up will be just as good).
9. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.
10.Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.
Going through the list does not fix me but it brings to light that situations do not have to remain bleak. It gives hope. It tells me that the sun will come up tomorrow.
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
6 comments:
That's a thoughtful and generous sharing, Jacqui, straight from your heart and encouraging others to learn from your experience. I'm happy you are moving forward and hope you let go of the two so-called friends as well, no point letting foul baggage drag your feet. Eleanor Roosevelt has been and still is my inspiration for overcoming my share of life challenges, you chose well. Warmest hugs and have a Wonderful Holiday Season and grand start to 2012!
Thank you Rita.
As for those friends. pondering more on it, I figured there might have been a reason why they did that. It could have been a bad day for them. They could have had their own set of worries that being happy for another was not easy. Forgiven but not forgotten. :)
Warmest hugs to you too, Rita, not forgetting your very own Santa at home. ;) Have a wonderful Christmas season and a prosperous 2012.
Jacq, we all go through these "friends" in life. I always see it as ships coming to port for a few hours or days. Me being the port. They serve their purpose and then leave. Some leave full and some empty. Full either full of beauty or crap depending on their intentions.
Over the years, I've learnt to not expect anything, good or bad on a person and that way, they can't hurt me. Plus alot of times, things done to us may not be personal. They too could be going through some issues of their own.
Once in a while we fall off the wagon and get hurt again but hey.. life is all about learning. All you can do is be yourself and as long as you know you have done no wrong you can hold your head up high. The other person may have to sit in a parking lot and ponder if they should go into the store because they just saw your car in the parking lot. (This actually happened to a friend who offended another person)
Merry Christmas to you and a wonderful, bright and fun 2012 !!!
You are correct, Geraldine. It is the intentions of friends that matter. This is why I said in my other comment "there might have been a reason why they did that. It could have been a bad day for them. They could have had their own set of worries that being happy for another was not easy."
Thanks for your sharing. Merry Christmas to you too and a prosperous 2012.
More power to you, Jacqui. One of my takeaways from 2011 - Life’s here and now. I should make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.
Hey Rashi
You are absolutely correct. We have to make the most of all that comes. That said, sometimes it is difficult for me to take advantage of it because I get embroiled in the issue at hand not realising that there is a silver lining.
Post a Comment