Believe in yourself

"Stand up for others, even if it’s the unpopular thing to do. – Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart. Dare to reach into the darkness, to pull someone else into the light. Remember, strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others too, and lend a hand when they’re able."
(taken from 10 Things to Do Even if They Judge You)

When you believe so strongly in what you want to pursue but find yourself at odds with some people, there will always be at least one person who will go against the odds and believe in you. That person will risk being unpopular because he/she understands you and will stand up for you. That strong person in your life will touch your heart not only because he/she is there for you but holds your hand when most have walked away.

I am sure you have heard this line - "people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime".  Over the years I have learned that friends will come and go in my life. They will come in for a reason and when the purpose or need is accomplished, they move away. Sometimes they are in your life to fulfill their own needs and other times some are there in your life because they have a role to play in your journey. Everytime these 'friends' drop off your radar, you will eventually realise why they were there in your life at one point. Sometimes it is sad because you wish you could hold on to these friendships but we know that we cannot force people to be in our lives anymore than we expect others to force us to be in theirs. So, we learn and move on. We focus on what matters to us.

No one has the right to judge you unless they have walked your journey. Only you know what is best for yourself.

For those who are struggling or know of someone who is struggling to move forward, I would like to share this from Marc and Angel Hack Life:

10 Things You Must Give Up to Move Forward

1. Letting the opinions of others control your life. – People know your name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but not what you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that counts. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s best for you and your life, not what’s best for everyone else.

2.The shame of past failures. – You will fail sometimes, and that’s okay. The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. Your past does not equal your future. Just because you failed yesterday; or all day today; or a moment ago; or for the last six months; or for the last sixteen years, doesn’t have any impact on the current moment. All that matters is what you do right now. Read Awaken the Giant Within.

3.Being indecisive about what you want. – You will never leave where you are until you decide where you would rather be. It’s all about finding and pursuing your passion. Neglecting passion blocks creative flow. When you’re passionate, you’re energized. Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive. Energy is everything when it comes to being successful. Make a decision to figure out what you want, and then pursue it passionately.

4.Procrastinating on the goals that matter to you. – There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them. Follow your intuition. Don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. When there is love and inspiration, you can’t go wrong. And whatever it is you want to do, do it now. There are only so many tomorrows. Trust me, in a year from now, you will wish you had started today.

5.Choosing to do nothing. – You don’t get to choose how you are going to die, or when. You can only decide how you are going to live, right now. Every day is a new chance to choose. Choose to change your perspective. Choose to flip the switch in your mind from negative to positive. Choose to turn on the light and stop fretting about with insecurity and doubt. Choose to do work that you are proud of. Choose to see the best in others, and to show your best to others. Choose to truly LIVE, right now.

6.Your need to be right. – If you keep on saying you’re right, even if you are right now, eventually you will be wrong. Aim for success, but never give up your right to be wrong. Because when you do, you will also lose your ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

7.Running from problems that should be fixed. – We make life harder than it has to be. The difficulties started when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a game, the word ‘love’ fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned, insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution. Stop running! Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it.

8.Making excuses rather than decisions. – Life is a continuous exercise in creative problem solving. A mistake doesn’t become a failure until you refuse to correct it. Thus, most long-term failures are the outcome of people who make excuses instead of decisions.

9.Overlooking the positive points in your life. – What you see often depends entirely on what you’re looking for. Do your best and surrender the rest. When you stay stuck in regret of the life you think you should have had, you end up missing the beauty of what you do have. You will have a hard time ever being happy if you aren’t thankful for the good things in your life right now. Read The Happiness Project.

10.Not appreciating the present moment. – We do not remember days, we remember moments. Too often we try to accomplish something big without realizing that the greatest part of life is made up of the little things. Live authentically and cherish each precious moment of your journey. Because when you finally arrive at your desired destination, I guarantee you, another journey will begin.

Letting go of 2011

Everyone goes through ups and downs in their lives. It is how we deal with it that determines the outcome. It is easier to deal with the ups because we are in a happy state and feel empowered. However, it is the downs that test our courage and determination.

2011 has been tumultuous year for me. I found myself questioning a lot about my future and making decisions that did not fall favourably with some people in my life but I felt I had to do something about it. No one else could change the situation that needed addressing except me. I also found out real truths that were hidden behind promises made to me previously. In this whole process, I learned and realised that I lost some things to gain others.


Some days I wake up feeling lonely and question my decision while other days I am raring to go because it feels right and am happy. When I am down, I look for inspiration to lift me up. It may be a phone call to a friend or just looking for something online to read. One of my sources of inspiration has been Tiny Wisdom (http://tinybuddha.com/) Today, I came across something that caused me to ponder:

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain
(http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-let-go-and-feel-less-pain/)

From that list of 40, these struck me:

1. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.

2. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

3. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.

A little digression, if you will allow me. I have always been happy with my little accomplishments over the years. That is one thing I always had in me. It gave me hope that if I could do that, I am capable of bigger things. However, I cannot help but remember how some people used to dampen my high spirits. I recall one incident being overjoyed seeing three months' worth of salary on a bonus cheque. I felt my hard work had paid off and felt appreciated. However, that joy was quickly shot down when one of my colleagues (who, by the way, earned three times more than I did on any given month) said very proudly "Your bonus is nothing. I earn that amount every month."

I faced a similar situation recently. I was so proud of the fact that I could save up loose change and within a month stashed away about $100. That is quite an achievement for me seeing that I was never able to do that previously with pocket change. I felt I had accomplished something in life - as small as it looks to some. When I mentioned this to a friend, my joy was shortlived for a moment when she said "$100 is nothing. Mine is always double that." I told that friend that my earning power is not as big as hers.


After that instead of feeling inferior like the previous time with the bonus cheque issue, I remembered a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Coming back to the list of 40, here are other points that I find poignant:

4. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.

5. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings. (this inspired me to write today).

6. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

7. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

8. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.
(I do not have a fireplace. So tearing it up will be just as good).

9. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.

10.Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.

Going through the list does not fix me but it brings to light that situations do not have to remain bleak. It gives hope. It tells me that the sun will come up tomorrow.

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Gone Fishing

Oh dear! It has been exactly two months since I've returned to my blog. I have nothing much to update here. I have vowed to stay away from unhappy things. That means ...

... no opinion on:

1. Politics! Current situations and policies make me unhappy. Hence, no comment.
“Politics, n: Poly "many" + tics "blood-sucking parasites”

2. Friends - fair-weathered ones.
"Do not make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs"

I am happily involved with my favourite all-time game on Facebook - Farm Town. The other games on FB are just to fill in time while I wait for crops to grow, facilities to produce and Farm Town developers to keep upgrading. :)

I am also enjoying the weather now. Finally, thawed myself out after a long winter.

I will be back soon ... hmmm... ok, probably in about a month or two.

"GONE FISHING"


HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY USA!

Loneliness

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” - Mother Teresa

Seems like even though you know that you are loved most of the times, there are times when loneliness sets in and you feel unloved. Everyone is so busy with their lives that you think you don't exist to anyone. You want to reach out to someone, then you change your mind because you feel you might be imposing on them or you are just too embarass to admit you need someone. It gets frustrating because you just don't have anyone to talk to and you start feeling so hopeless and crushed. You feel you cannot breathe because that feeling of loneliness is so stifling. Then you just stay there with laboured breath waiting for someone to notice and pick you up. Sadly, sometimes, no one cares. You feel rejected when they reach out to people who seem to not need it. They go merrily on their way not noticing that you are now curled on the floor with no more strength to ask for help.

Then suddenly something inside you jolts you to reality. The survivor in you tells you that you have to pick yourself up and say "this too shall pass". You realise for others to reach out to you, you must first reach out to them but you cannot possibly do that when you are feeling so down. So, you have to cast that low feeling aside. And then you say your first hello after that dark episode with that person not knowing what pain you just went through because it has passed.

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” - Orson Welles

Memories of 2009

Soon, it will be a year since we moved back to Germany. We arrived in the dead of winter and went through all four seasons. Well, almost all four. We were short changed this year. We barely had a decent summer and it seemed mother nature decided to jump straight into winter. 2009 has been a good year, on the whole.

Coming back to a familiar territory made it easier for me to adapt compared to the first time in 2001. Language wasn't too much of a barrier this time. I remember not having a clue how to order in a restaurant back then and got by with hand signs and a book. Driving around wasn't a challenge either. We used to get by with maps before and now, apart from being familiar with some roads, we depend on the GPS to bring us to places we have not ventured to before.

I delved into gardening this year and had a blast of a time discovering the beauty and yield of trees and plants that the landlord left behind for us. It was a treat to pick cherries, plums and blackberries from my garden. Apart from that, I enjoyed seeing the change of colours over the months with the different kinds of flowers that adorned my garden. With a few months' worth of trial and error taking care of my garden, I am looking forward to next Spring to try out new things.

2009 was a memorable year in terms of re-connecting with old friends, relatives (some long lost) and making new ones. Facebook took up a lot of my time. I was hooked on word games like Word Twist and Scramble. Then, I moved on to farming games like Farm Town, Farm Ville and (Lil) Farm. Lately, Cafe World and Mafia Wars have stolen hours of my life. :) It is fun being able to play this games with family and some friends. Suddenly my world does not seem so vast. Almost everyone is just a click away. I could have used this kind of contact when I first moved away from Malaysia. It would have soothe my aching heart from missing my loved ones.

A wedding took place in the family too and I was fortunate to visit Malaysia twice this year. Once in July and another time in October. Apart from the excitement being with family again, sometimes emptiness set in. The void that no one else can fill except my late parents. I missed them at family dinners and especially during the wedding reception. One thing I know for sure, mom and dad would have loved my brother's bride. He couldn't have chosen a more delightful woman to be his partner.

I have learned and re-learned many things in 2009 and one of it is to always be thankful for what I have - family, friends and things that make my life comfortable.