Manglish moment

I am laughing so hard inside as I write this. I am suppressing my laughter lest the rest of the household (and possibly my neighbours) will think I have gone mad.

I was making my rounds to some blogs I have not visited in a while. The minute I saw his latest post title, I was hooked. It lifted my rather dull Saturday night at home (watching re-runs of movies I've seen a million times).

This hilarious post brought me home - back to the days when hearing this 'language' was a norm. Here's an excerpt of his post.

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Kamon-lah, Tok Manglish OK?

Aitelyu ah, nemmain wat deblardigarmen say, mose Malaysians tok Manglish. Bekoswai? Bekos we all shai oni to to spik prawper English - arfturds peeple ting we trying to action oni. But Manglish is best-lah when you want to seemply tokkok like fren-fren, lah. Donkair you Malay or Chinese or Indian or everyting miksup. At the mamak stall, in the awfis, sitting araun in the kopi-shop, we Malaysians orways tok like dis wan-kain oni - got kick wat!

You want to tokkok osoken, no problem, we gifchan you forrin flers, lah. Seemply by-heart the following list of pawpular Manglish words and phrases - and very soon oridi you can go araun blarfing like tera oni.

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To read the list of "pawpular Manglish words and phrases", please visit this brilliant and funny writer's blog - ADOI! - The digital reincarnation of a national bestseller by KIT LEEE (now known as ANTARES).

My Desktop Free View Tag

Angel Eyes has tagged me - a rather unusual (and 'kay-poh') kind of tag, I might add. :) However, I do not mind it at all. I admit I like tags because it gives me a reason to blog.

After much lamenting about slowing down in my last post, it looks like I am not about to take a long sabbatical ... thanks to Angel Eyes.

This tag is about showing the world what my desktop looks like. So, here it is ...

(Harvest Time in Tuscany by Leon Roulette)

I love this picture for two reasons. First of all, the colours are warm and inviting. It makes me feel at home and relaxed.

Secondly, the scenery in the background reminds me of Europe, particularly Italy. I love Italy. Although I have yet to explore all of it, the short visits to Venice and Rome was enough to make me fall in love with that country and its people ... well, almost all of them sans a few who gave me grieve during World Youth Day in Cologne in 2005. It is a story I'll remember for years to come.

As much as I love that country, I really don't crave for pizza or pastas. That is my current preference, anyway. (It may change in a few years). The last time I ate pizza was six months ago in Rome. Pastas are okay but I much prefer dishes with servings of meat and vegetables.

Ah! but I love Italian wines, particularly their sweet dessert wines made from moscato grapes. I am not a wine expert. So, I will stop here. I dare not elaborate on this topic lest I embarass myself. I am still learning from this website and a book I bought about two years ago, titled K.I.S.S. Wine. (see below)

Now, back to my desktop, you will notice that I have very few icons (compared to some I have seen!). I like it that way because it is neater. That does not mean my computer desk is organised. Heck! don't even ask me about my house because I dust if I must. :)

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture or write a letter
Bake a cake or plant a seed
Ponder the difference between want & need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time
With rivers to swim and mountains to climb
Music to hear and books to read
Friends to cherish and life to lead

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain
This day will not come round again

Dust if you must, but bear in mind
Old age will come, and it is not kind
And when you go and go you must
You, yourself, will make more dust

- Author Unknown

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My Desktop Free View Instructions

A. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

(1) Going to your desktop and pressing the Print Screen key (located on the right side of the F12 key)

(2) Open a graphics program (like Picture Manager, Paint, Photoshop) and do a Paste (CTRL+V).

(3) If you wish, you can 'edit' the image, before saving it.

B. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of icons. Things like that.

C. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop as well.

D. Add your name to this list of Free Viewers with a link pointing directly to your Desktop Free View post to promote it to succeeding participants.

a) misha
b) mudpie
c) Jacqui's Curve

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I am supposed to tag five people but I am not sure who will appreciate this. So, I will leave it open to anyone who would like to take up the challenge.

Slowing down

Time is flying by so fast. By the time I am done with what I had set out to do for the day, I am tired and can hardly sit up to blog or blog hop. If I have been absent in your blog for a while, please excuse me. Also, I used to be very prompt with replying emails and now I feel bad that I have slacked in that department too.

Sometimes I wish I knew what to blog about but it is just not clicking 'up there'. I have told myself in the past that I will not stress myself about it. So, until I can find a routine and divide my time equally with everything I wish to accomplish in a day (and have an idea of what to write), I will blog when time permits.

In the meantime, here's something for you (and a gentle reminder to some thoughtful friends of ours that if they have to forward good stuff, please send something new) ;) ......

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Dear All,

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a someone along to watch the car to prevent a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda ,Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large seagull with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy lump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered ,that people with high but low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity, always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. (Now's that a good one.)

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... And hopefully, I will come up with something new (and original) to blog about soon (and cease sharing stuff from my email archives!).

Computer terms

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3 inch floppy
. . You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!

* This was sent to me today via email.

It is pouring cats and dogs right now. In fact, I have one sitting on my lap as I type this - my miniature Pinscher named Peanut (he did not fall from the sky). We adopted him two months ago. His previous home was the dog pound in Shreveport, Louisiana. The day he came home with us, he assumed the couch as his throne (that's OK. It is an old couch and he can have it). He thinks he is king of the hill but, to us, he is just one spoilt prince who sleeps with his toy squirrel.

I have not heard any thundering or seen flashes in the sky but I am not going to hold my breath for a spectacular show. If it does begin, I will have a dog that barks at mother nature for causing a scene. That will also prompt me to shut down my computer (I do not like to use it when there is a storm going on).

Anyway, back to the topic of computer terms. I recall one time when my computer needed some repair and upgrade. The technician said he would drop by the house to pick it up. While I was at work (in KL), my mom telephoned to inform me that Leong (the technician) came by the house a few minutes earlier and took the computer with him. She added that he also took the rat. I was shocked and then got a little confused. I thought to myself, "What has a rat got to do with the technician? Did she change topic already?"

I asked her "what rat?" I went on to wonder if a disgusting creature found its way into my room from outside and that the technician had helped her remove a dead rat ('kaput' probably from eating the poison we placed around the house).

She said, "that thing you use with the computer."

Ah! then something clicked. "You mean the mouse."

Mom burst out laughing and said "aiya ... mouse or rat, both the same."

Schools - Then and Now

This is the message that apparently a Secondary School staff in the Midlands voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school. It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children's failing marks changed to passing marks - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.

The message:

'Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

* To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2

* To complain about what we do - Press 3

* To swear at staff members - Press 4

* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5

* If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6

* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

* To complain about bus transport - Press 9

* To complain about school lunches - Press 0

LASTLY:

* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day.

* If you want this in other languages, you must be in the wrong country. This is England.

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Unfortunately, that is what our we have come to these days. There are some dedicated teachers out there and sometimes they are the ones who get into trouble for caring for their students. They are blamed for things that are beyond their control. While there are exceptions (every now and then you may get a teacher who just does not live up to your expectations as an educator), I believe there many more teachers who go the extra mile for their students. Their undying dedication is so often overlooked.

By the way, I have noticed how student problems are dealt with in school these days too. Well, at least in the States. We have certainly come a long way from our simpler days. MsJ of Inconditus sent me this article last week which illustrates what I mean. It is funny but sadly true to some extent. The age of innocence and simplicity is gone.

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Subject: School 1967 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1967 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack's shotgun. He goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail; nobody is arrested; nobody is expelled.
2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with ADD and given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a learning disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1967 - Mark shares aspirin with principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1967 - Ants die.
2007 - Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco a and Firearms, Homeland Security, and FBI called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates parents; siblings are removed from home; computers confiscated. Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Heather. Heather hugs him to comfort him.

1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Heather is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in state prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.