Slowing down

Time is flying by so fast. By the time I am done with what I had set out to do for the day, I am tired and can hardly sit up to blog or blog hop. If I have been absent in your blog for a while, please excuse me. Also, I used to be very prompt with replying emails and now I feel bad that I have slacked in that department too.

Sometimes I wish I knew what to blog about but it is just not clicking 'up there'. I have told myself in the past that I will not stress myself about it. So, until I can find a routine and divide my time equally with everything I wish to accomplish in a day (and have an idea of what to write), I will blog when time permits.

In the meantime, here's something for you (and a gentle reminder to some thoughtful friends of ours that if they have to forward good stuff, please send something new) ;) ......

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Dear All,

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave them to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .....

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a someone along to watch the car to prevent a serial killer crawling into the back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda ,Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large seagull with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 mangy camels will infest your backside, causing you to grow a hairy lump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered ,that people with high but low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity, always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. (Now's that a good one.)

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... And hopefully, I will come up with something new (and original) to blog about soon (and cease sharing stuff from my email archives!).