Gifts - love 'em or leave 'em?
Let's face it ... we all appreciate gifts. Regardless of the occasion, birthday to wedding gifts, going-away to "just-because" gifts, we love to know what awaits us in that box or package. I always appreciate gifts and never re-gift them (and make it look as though I bought it). If I do give something away, the person receiving it will usually know that it belonged to me and have no qualms about taking it off my hands.
Anyway, I was browsing through iVillage.com and found an article about Worst Mother In-Law Gifts... Ever! I thought about the gifts I received from my late mother-in-law and I have to say that she gave very good gifts over the years. She knew what I liked and made an effort to shop for them. Whenever I visited her, she always had books to give away and I would gladly accept them. In short, I cannot think of anything that I ever got from her that I did not like.
Now, reading the list that I found on iVillage, it made me wonder if those mothers-in-law did it deliberately to irritate their daughters-in-law or just had poor taste. Here are some comments from the daughters-in-law:
1. MIL once got me a matching set: Oven mitt and makeup bag. So whenever I'm simultaneously applying lipstick and removing a roast from the oven, I can be color-coordinated.
2. My worst gift ever was from 18 years ago, when, for my first Christmas married to her son, MIL gave me a pair of crotchless panties and a matching bra. I just 'bout died...
3. A set of coat hangers that MIL got half price from a jumble sale.
4. MIL got me pre-natal vitamins for my stocking — and [her son and I] weren't even married yet.
5. My MIL gave me a horrible fake-lace scratchy thong, three sizes too small.
6. My MIL once bought me a T-shirt for Christmas that had a really tacky screen print of two wolves howling on it. Not only was it huge, but it had this weird little button sewn in, so that if you squeezed a certain spot on the front of the shirt, it would play a recording of wolves howling.
7. MIL gave me a leather-bound address book... complete with the names and addresses of people I didn't know! Did she forget she had used it before?
8. My MIL drew my name for Christmas one year. I got a Swiffer, shampoo and conditioner. I was trying to figure out if she was implying that both my hair and floors are dirty, or what.
9. One year, my MIL built her gift up for weeks: She had gotten me the perfect gift, couldn't wait to see my face when I opened it, she knew it was just what I wanted, etc. So she gives it to me on Christmas day in front of her entire family of 50 people... and it's a vacuum cleaner. She announces loudly, "I know you really needed that because the one you have just isn't getting all the cat hair up off your couch." Needless to say I was beyond mortified!
10. I have a small tattoo of a ladybug on my shoulder. My MIL saw this and ever since, has given me tons of ladybug stuff. So far, my collection includes six ladybug lapel pins, four pairs of earrings, one bedspread/sham combo, two toe rings, three embroidered sweaters and a shower curtain. The last time I saw her in July, she remarked "I didn't know you had a ladybug tattoo! You must really like them!" I have told her (and my husband) that I don't really like ladybugs as much as she thinks. Still, she told my husband this weekend that she found a cute ladybug jumper dress for me for Christmas. Aah!
To date, I can think of only one thing that I did not like - a handbag. I tried to exchange it with my sister because she had the prettier one but no luck. She did not like mine either! It still sits in one of my boxes in Klang. I will probably appreciate it the next time I lay my eyes on it. It is not ugly but it paled in comparison to my sister's bag. Maybe I wouldn't have a problem with it if I did not have another bag to compare it with. Yeah! that's it. 
43 comments:
I appreciate all the gifts given to me, and some of them are not something i like, but nevertheless i still keep and treasure them, since it is the heart that counts :)
I don't have a MIL so no such thing as best or worst MIL gift. But anyway, it's the thought that counts, right?
For me the gift which touches my heart most is the latest gift I got (as per my blog posting). So sweet of the kids...
Hi Chen
I agree. The gifts that we don't like are still appreciated because it comes from the heart. Maybe that is another reason why I haven't done anything with that handbag. ;)
Hi Pi
I read about Yah's children giving you that gift. Such lovely and thoughtful girls.
I believe it is gifts like that which becomes something you treasure most because of the circumstances behind it. Of course, we still appreciate other gifts from others but you know what I mean. :)
Haha, some of those mother-in-laws might just be plain cheap :P
For the moment, I can't think of any gift I didn't like, but I know there were a few. I guess they weren't terrible enough to remember. ;)
Ya, its the thoughts that counts. Every year we/ex colleagues, takes turn to celebrate birthdays (ones we are close too). Really treasure their gifts and friendship.
Hi WP
I guess some not-so-nice gifts, although appreciated, are forgotten after awhile ... unlike those examples from iVillage. ;)
Hi Nightwing
Isn't it nice when some ex-colleagues still keep in touch after so many years?
In my case, I have been out of one company since 1993 and another since 1999. I am still in touch with some colleagues from both firms. We always meet when I am down in Malaysia for a holiday. Those are treasured friendships (and any gifts that come from them). ;)
Hi Jacqui,
I remember the gifts I give more actually...
Cos I put a lot of thought into it, and fret and fret and fret!
Like when I went shopping for Khai Yue's 3rd birthday present, I spent days looking for it...And when finally settled on books (her mum said she likes books), my friend and I spent almost 5 hours in Borders looking for the perfect book!
Haih...
You know, when I was to leave the hospital to continue my studies, I wanted to give the people I worked with closely a gift...
After much thought, I finally got a postcard for each of them (9 altogether), with pictures and sayings that matched them...
And behind the postcards, I wrote a personal poem to each of them, and decorated it with cut-out flowers and butterflies...
And I got this whole bunch of hand-towels, and rolled and made them into little doggies, complete with eyes, ears, tongue, nose, and a little ribbon for the neck, with a big 'Thank You' note at the back...
So each person got a doggie and a postcard with a poem about them!
Haih...When I go back to the hospital, and see my little doggie sitting in the glass cabinets, I remember my times there...
Although small, I thought these kinda gifts kinda mean more than something I pluck off a shelf...
I just wanted to share that Jacqui...=)
*Hugs*
Hey Jacqui,
Thus far, there have been two gifts that I just didn't like..did appreciate the gesture though. One was a mahroon patch embroidered in mustard, parrot green, and ink blue colors and the other was a shirt in extremely bright, fluorescent pink.
Most other people ask me what I want. :)
Hey Daphne
You have to teach me how to roll hand towels into little doggies. That is creative! Certainly says a lot if I get something like that.
I recall when we were young and could not afford to buy presents for our parents. We made birthday cards for them from our art paper. We went crazy with our crayons and coloured pencils.
When I was clearing up my mom's stuff early this year, I came across those old cards. She treasured all of them along with other gifts from us over the years. :) So good to walk down memory lane and remember the times we put all our effort into those home-made cards.
Hi Rashi
1. Maroon patch embroidered in mustard, parrot green, and ink blue colors ... oh dear!
2. Extremely bright, fluorescent pink shirt ... double 'oh dear'! hahaha
Even though we may not like those choices, we certainly appreciate the gesture.
I certainly wouldn't re-gift that - don't want to torture the next person! haha
Seriously, I really do not know what I would have done with those things you received except keep them in a treasure box until I think of something. :)
Just like you, most of the time, people just ask what I would like. I'd give a few ideas and wait to be surprised. :)
The culture of gift giving is not so ingrained in our local society. Thus the torture of deciding what gift to give to such and such a person is often limited to only the loved ones.
Since it is regarded as improper to ask directly the intended recipient what he or she wants for the occassion, subtle probing is the only way to get an inkling of what is suitable. Often times I ask another party for suggestions. But for my wife's birthday it is not difficult since a bottle of perfume of the latest scent would never fail to get her approval. I consider it is a good investment since afterall I am the one who will get the smell.
Visiting someone hospitalized is easy in our culture as 'buah tangan' in the form os fruits will be sufficient. Or you can even give some money saying that you didnt have time to pick up any 'buah tangan' will be quite appreciated since many people when hospitalized are often in dire need of financial help. However if the person you are visiting in hospital is the rich ones, do opt for fruits or flowers as your gift since a gift of money can be offensive.
my mil wil give me a pair of pajamas for xmas every yr. without fail so thts alrady 3 sets but im not complaining since here, u cant really go wrong w pajamas.
but a few mths back, i received a box full of those thin cookies fr ikea fr her. there was like maybe 12 boxes of them. she knows i like them and since we moved to CA, she tot takde ikea kat sini. hahahhha! god bless her!
Gifts are wonderful but my kids get too many gifts at their birthday parties. It seems so obligatory. I'd prefer it if the toys given were "pre-loved". Otherwise what do we do with the mountain of toys? :)
There were a few gifts that my husband bought for me that I didn't quite like but I didn't have the heart to tell him. I used it once or twice (eg: handbag) and then kept it in my closet. I appreciate his effort but some things are just not according to my taste. To resolve that, we go shopping together and I'll choose the things that I like. We also do the same thing when its his birthday.
Hi JT, couldn't help smiling at your mention of MIL's and their presents.
Re a present or presents I liked them all, whatever I received, from beautiful sea shells picked off the beach at Trengganu given to me by a lady friend, to a Victor Garcia Flemenco guitar from my wife.
But one of the nicest presents I ever had was from a young white girl I worked with in an office here.
I would come to work by bus in winter, my first year in Canada and first time experiencing sub-zero temperatures of -20'c!
I would be shivering with a red face and swollen cold fingers (my gloves not warm enough).
I had only known her couple of months and a month later, for X'mas, she gave me a pair of woolen mittens and a large black and white wool scarf she had specially knitted for me. I still use them, past 20 winters too.
But maybe I will add, even though I love all presents given to me, the ones I received the most were neckties and apart from half a dozen I would wear on special occasions, the rest never used and kept in a box.
You know JT, I love this peach colour blog page of yours. Feels warm and so inviting.
Keep well, JT, Lee.
tunku halim,
Since your son has too many gift I think it will be allright for you to donate those that your son may not use at all.
Contact Pi Bani on how to better use those toys. I guess the giver wont mind at all I guess and they will get certain 'pahala' in the process. just my 2 sen worth of idea.
my in-laws don't practice gift giving during birthdays or anniversaries or anything like that. the only time i got a present from her was on my wedding day. she gave me a lovely gold bracelet which i wear it till now.
they're not rich people but to get a present like that esp frm yr in-laws u've gotta be appreciative. its not everyday they get to buy expensive jewelries for themselves much less someone. and she also gave lovely gold necklaces fr my doters on their birthdays. its family heirlooms i call it.
JT dear :
reading your blog make me think of my in MIL too ... use to be very gud gift from her ..... after she had a pure breed grandson not like mine half breed m then I am no longer her fevor DIL so very sad to say ..... but i still try to get her best gift but some time I do think wat a hak la she is so racing not to mention wat she had say about my kids after she got her first pure white grandson mmmmso sad xxxxx sori JT
Hello, J.T.!
Very good and very nice posting. I appreciate all.
Thanks and have a good week.
There was a gift given by the ex that i really hate it.
A traditional cheongsam which looks like an ah soh when i wear it.
Sssheeeshh..
The giving of gifts is really appreciated if it is what the other person wants or really likes. If not it is pointless doing so. And it has to be reciprocated. Otherwise it may hurt the giver. So what is a better way to show appreciation. A greeting. A note. A help. A smile. Friendship. Care. A call. Are equally effective and in some cases more so than gifts.
when it comes to gift giving, it is a very tough thing to do. It usually kills off alot of my brain cells just brain storming for gifts ideas! so when people give me gifts, like it or not, i'll still appreciate them all :) for those that wasnt to my taste, it just go into a "treasure box"
hmm next time i shall remind myself to draw a 'treasure map" hahaha :P
Hi Zawi
I guess most of us do carry out lots of subtle probing to get an inkling of what is suitable for someone. Although, when we really know someone very well, we can't really go wrong with our gifts.
When it comes to my family members, we have a habit of asking what one would like. We may have got that habit from our late mom who preferred to give something that would be appreciated. She wanted to be sure. ;)
Seems like fruits and flowers for someone hospitalised is the safest way to go when one has no clue what to give.
I believe some people practice that in the western countries too. I haven't visited anyone in hospitals here yet so I cannot say for sure if that is practiced widely.
Thanks for sharing. :)
Hello Princess Farina
Yup, we can't go wrong with pyjamas. I love them because it is something we can also use all day on a Sunday - very comfortable.
Bless her heart, your MIL. At least, she was thinking of you and wondered how you were getting by without an IKEA. :D Those 12 boxes will last you quite a while.
Hello Tunku Halim
My sister faces the same predicament - she has a mountain of toys belonging to her two children. They got them for their birthdays, Christmas and 'just because' (from some doting uncles and aunties *ahem*).
However, the last time when I was home in Malaysia, she told me that she will be lessening the load by donating some toys to an orphanage. At least we know some children will appreciate the toys instead of them being thrown aside.
Hi Trueblue
That is a better way, isn't it? Just go shopping together and pick out what we want.
Of course, we like surprises but do we really want to be 'surprised' with something we don't fancy? :D
Hi Lee,
The thought of -20C is bad enough. I remember my first year in Germany. It was the coldest ever in many years dipping at -17C. My face and nose hurt for just a short while out in the cold. And yes.. even my gloves were not enough to keep my fingers warm. brrr... I feel cold just thinking about it. :D
It was nice of that young girl to give you a pair of mittens and scarf. Very thoughtful. She knew what you needed badly. :)
Re neckties, I think most men do get lots of ties as gifts. I used to give my dad ties, besides shirts and golf accessories (trying to be practical). When I cleared my mom's cupboard this year, I took two of dad's shirts which were my favourite. Everytime I look at them now, I think of him.
Thanks for the compliments about my blog colour. It was by chance I got that by playing around with the colour codes. Peach is one of my favourite colours. It is my alternative to pink (which I have outgrown). :)
Hi KC
Gifts like your gold bracelet becomes a treasure because you know the giver's background and what the person is like. Such gifts are rare but given with full sincerity and love.
Hi Pearly dear
So sorry to hear the change of heart from your MIL. You are not wrong to feel the way you do. I would feel hurt too if my MIL said things about me and my family.
I admire you, Pearly. You have a kind and sincere heart. Even with the way MIL treats you, you still try your best to make her feel special by finding good gifts for her. She will appreciate that in you someday. You take care. *hug*
Hello David
So glad to see you here again. I appreciate your visit very much.
Thanks for dropping by and you have a good week too. :)
Hi J.T.
The gifts that I received throughout the years are still with me, well, except for a few that I had to give away due to bad memories. A gift from my MIL will be in a form of a check. She said she rather give us $$ as gift instead of buying something that we don't need or like. On her birthdays and Christmas, we send her chocolates and flowers or plants. Hubby told her not to buy us anything becoz if she did, the other 7 kids will be jealous. Just to be fair and square!
Hi Angel Eyes
Oh dear, poor thing ... I am guessing you still have it.
Ever considered getting it altered at the tailor? For example, shorten the dress length or change it into a blouse to wear over a pair of tailored pants or jeans. Just an idea. ;)
Hi Rajahram
I agree with you. As much we love gifts, a sincere and heartfelt greeting, note, help, smile, friendship or call usually leaves a deeper impression.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments.
Hi Winnie
... and someday in the future when you refer to your 'treasure map', you'll find things that bring back lots of lovely memories. :)
That would be fun, wouldn't it?
Hi Dawn
That is another way to go - cash. At least you can use that to buy what you like.
My niece opts for cash these days. She tells me with that option she can buy what she likes, when she finds it... and if there is balance money from that cash, it goes to savings. :)
Dawn, your hubby is considerate. He has a point about being fair and square. No matter how old siblings get, jealousy will prevail if one is favoured over the other. ;)
JT please drop by to my blog I have something waitting for you not only a mooncake but a award too keep looking down OK xxxxxx
Hi Pearly
I will be right over there. Oh! the mention of mooncake makes me crave for one right now. yummm... :D
JT,
Those "worst MIL gifts" are hilarious!!! Especially the fake lacy scratchy thong!
I haven't really received bad gifts from MIL, as I know she can barely afford most things. My in-laws aren't exactly what you could call "orang senang". Most of the times MIL gives me seafood (FIL's a fisherman so they get tons or fresh seafood) or keropok or salted fish that she makes herself. The only thing about MIL's gift that I don't like is that she tend to give us such a lot of those things that the entire supply of seafood (for instance) couldn't actually fit in our tiny freezer. And there's only two adults (who hardly cook) and one toddler in our household so there's only so much we can eat. So I tend to feel like MIL is dumping the contents of her freezer into my freezer!
But I appreciate those dang tasty crabs any day hehehee mmmm yummy...
Hi j.t.,
My late MIL was from the old school and not really into gift-giving culture. She presented me with some beautiful pieces of jewellery on my wedding which I love very much.
Oh ya, once MIL bought me a pair of 3/4-length shorts to be worn at home, and the colour is a hideously bright-purple...**pengsanss...**. The kind of shorts I wore...she must have disapproved. hahahha....
Hi Blueberry
You know all that seafood reminds me of a family friend who gave us seafood during Christmas. He was a fish monger at the local wet market. We all appreciated it very much. It meant days of crab cutlets, crab curry, fried fish in sambal, etc. yummmm...
With seafood getting so expensive, I wouldn't mind gifts like that. Of course, like you said, you feel like she is dumping contents out of her freezer to yours - that's understandable because sometimes you need the space yourself for your other frozen foods. But I would say it is a welcomed inconvenience. ;)
Hi Nyonya Penang
hahaha .. 3/4-length shorts. She was probably hinting about the ones you wear. Luckily for you, it was just for home. Well, it is the thought that counts. :)
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