My Un-Fairy Tales

Spring is in the air. Flowers blooming everywhere. The rich and adventurous boys of Germany are out with their mean machines terrorising drivers on the autobahn. It is also time for enjoying the weather. The sun is up and out - too much for this time of the year, I might add. It feels like summer today and it is only April. What can I expect this summer? Blistering weather? Dry lakes? Sun-burned "mat sallehs"? (Note to self: Look out for lobsters in the frozen section on my next grocery day)


There is a German-American Volkfest (Fair) in town. Vendors were busy setting up tents and booths a week ago for games, rides, food and drinks. I watched them build up the scene day by day. They took one week to set up everything. A huge closed-in tent now dominates the panorama. Local bands perform there every night. I can just imagine the vendors' excitement a week ago - waiting in anticipation of beer-guzzling folks to sit around and enjoy their pints, nay, gallons of beer. Ah... beer. That smooth, golden, frothy concoction that makes the drinker lose all senses and inhibition. Thus, the ability to listen to loud, deafening music and gawk at waitresses carrying huge jugs and mugs; or with huge jugs carrying mugs.

We had a particularly beautiful day last week. I decided to walk to the library that day. It was exciting to see them set up the fairground. Trailers, trucks and all kinds of wheeled "thingies" came in. When they were done setting up for the day, vendors and workers sat around to chat - probably spinning a tale or two about their day's feat. Some took the opportunity to wash their vehicles. The sight of water spraying from the hose on a mildly hot day was a welcoming sight. There was a happy feeling in the air. I wanted to run to the hills with my arms outstretched and burst into song -"The hills are alive, with the sound of music. With songs they have sung, for a thousand years." I didn't; lest I appeared like someone who escaped from the loony bin. Instead, I sang something softly. It was such a gorgeous day that if I were Snow White, all the friendly creatures of the forest would come out to gather around me. I thought to myself, "To make it perfect, Prince Charming should make an appearance now."

As I walked around a quiet corner, lo and behold, Prince Charming. My Prince Charming was unlike the one we remember from our childhood fairy tales - a finely-dressed gallant and handsome knight riding on a white horse. My Prince Charming was heavily-paunched (from too much beer, I assume) average-looking guy (not judging him too much. After all, one man's meat is another man's poison), whistling some unfamiliar tune loudly. He had a long-handle brush in one hand and a hose in the other. He was washing his trailer wearing his finest for such a weather. Yes, my Prince Charming was in his underwear!

Oh no! He noticed me. Should I take hurried steps?

Just then, Prince Charming unabashedly waved and greeted me "Hallo! Guten Tag." I did not want to be rude. I return the greeting with an awkward smile. At this point, I should tell you that when I see someone partially naked, I automatically look for the clothed part. So yes, there was a second look at the Prince's only piece of clothing - not that I needed to.

I must have subconsciously picked up my pace for I found myself back in the serene parts of the area. No tents, trailers or trucks. No human life, except mine. I made my way to the walking path along the forest and took in the beauty of the day.

By the way, I thought I saw my Prince Charming this week. He looked like the guy who was manning the mechanical bull ride on opening day. Then again, I could be wrong. After all, I saw his face once and his crotch area, twice.

Speaking of the nether region reminds me of the time when my colleagues and I were taking up swimming lessons at that pool in Jalan Raja Chulan, Kuala Lumpur. Our coach was a young guy named Saad, who preferred to be called James (I don't know why lah, don't ask me) . We met James at the pool at opening time - 5:30pm. He signed us in. We all got into our swimming suits and had our first lesson. I could not help but notice that James had a tearing seam on the side of his swimming trunk. I shared that information with Raha (my colleague) but we decided not to say anything. We were not going to embarass our coach on the first day. After our session was over, James asked us if we could come in at 5:00pm for the next eight weeks. We agreed. I figured that would be good just in case any of us drowned, we won't have a public spectacle. James told us that he would bring our membership cards to our office before the next lesson. These cards will ensure entry to the pool before opening hours. I forgot all about the cards as the days passed.

One day, the receptionist buzzed me and said there was a guy waiting to see me. I wondered who could it be because I was not expecting anyone to drop by. I went out the reception area. I could not make out where I saw this guy but he looked so familiar. I asked him, "May I help you?"

He said, "Jacqui, it's me James." I finally realised who he was as he handed me four cards.

Feeling a little embarassed about not recognising him, I had to apologise.

"Oh my! I am so sorry James. I did not recognise you with your clothes on."

OK, that did not come out right and the receptionist had a look of shock on her face. Needless to say, James blushed.

sigh...

Oh yes, and Jacqui lived happily ever after, faux pas and all.