Jacqui, The Ultimate Drama - Part 1

I have been tagged by Daphne Ling to write about the many years of my life and what I remember of it. This should be fun. All I need to do is walk down memory lane again. I have shared about my childhood and teenhood firsts. Now, here's a chance to tell you about the other significant events of the past 40 years my life.

Sometimes I find myself pondering on how I got this far. The things I've seen and heard. The lessons I have learned in life. The bittersweet experiences that were stepping stones to the next phase of life. When I was a child, 40 years old seemed like an ancient age to me. Now that I am there, I don't really feel that old. I have enjoyed my journey in life thus far, be it good or bad.

Come walk with me ....

Age 1 - 4:
I was no longer the only girl and baby of the family at four years old. My younger sister had taken over that title "baby of the family" when she was born in December 1971. Before mum left for the hospital, I told dad that I did not want a new brother or sister. I wanted a puppy. Next day, I walked into mum's room at Hospital Besar Kota Bharu. My dad pointed to the cot where my baby sister was sleeping. I stood on my toes while holding the cot railings to look in. I remember seeing this plump little baby all wrapped up in white.

Age 5 - 8:
When I was six years old, my brother and I took part in a children's fashion show at the Royal Kelantan Club's during their Annual Christmas Party. We dressed up as Malacca Portuguese Dancers. All I can remember of that party is that I wanted that parading to be over. I was more interested in the games the club had organised for the children after the show. We took home the first prize, by the way.

That was day I also learned that my sister was terrified of Santa Claus. As our names were called out, we had to go up to Santa to receive our presents. When my sister's name was mentioned, we encouraged her to walk up to Santa. The minute he put out his arms out to carry her, she wailed out loudly. That poor girl feared the big old bearded man. We tried to tell her that it was someone we knew behind that mask but she was not convinced. *The photo above shows signs of her traumatic experience with Santa Claus. That was taken in December 1973 when mum was 39 years old, dad - 41, brother, Ian, in front of mum aged 8. Derek , 7, standing in between mum and dad.

Age 9 - 12:
I used to watch mum mend clothes. I always wanted to go through her sewing basket. She had lots of neat stuff in it. A significant memory at 9 years - the day one of my brothers bullied little sister by taking away her soft toy bunny. When she saw it in his hands and within reach, she tried to grab it. In doing so, the bunny's head detached from the body. Upon seeing that, she screamed and began to cry out loud. That little sister of mine was good at wailing. My mum was busy in the kitchen and asked me what happened. I showed her the evidence of a beheaded bunny. She said she was too busy at that moment and will sew it back later. I then asked her if she would let me try sewing it back. She told me I could but to be careful with the sharp needle. I managed to thread the needle after a few tries. While I sewed back the bunny together, my sister sat in front of me with tears in her eyes. Her wailing had subsided to quiet sobs. When I was done sewing, I gave it back to her. She happily ran to the kitchen to tell mum that her bunny was all fixed up. I felt so proud of myself that time.

I was a fairly active student in school and enjoyed being in all things musical. I was in the school choir, the angklung group and in the school band. I was never one to excel in sports. I used to enjoy library hours and brought home an Enid Blyton book every week.

I remember when Jawi lessons were aired on TV - RTM 1. My dad insisted that my brothers and I sit through those lessons every afternoon. It definitely helped me because my BM exam papers always had a small Jawi section that needed to be translated.

On the homefront, I usually played with my brothers and the neighbourhood children. I remember owning a bicycle with a broken seat. No, I was not fat. I cannot remember how it broke. Yet, that did not stop me from riding it around. I just stood up on the pedals and cycled away. I do believe that seat was replaced soon enough when one of my parents saw me cycle dangerously around the area.

Just as how my sister had developed a fear for Santa Claus, I feared the Lion dance performed during Chinese New Year. I remember running to hide behind mum because, to me, the lion always had a devlish look. I took a long time to get over that fear. I never enjoyed the lion dancing and prancing close to me. I simply detested the blinking eyes of the lion.

I was 12 when we left K.B. Coloured television had just made its debut in Malaysia. Our landlord owned an appliances shop in Jalan Kuala Krai. We lived close to his shop. My brothers, sister and I would always run to there to steal glances at the coloured screens. We always wondered when we would finally own a coloured TV.

Age 13 - 16:
Teenage years. A time of discovery - about myself and boys. It helped that my older brother had his friends hanging around the house. So, interacting with boys was never an awkward situation. At least, with these boys. I was still too shy with the ones I did not know personally.

At 14, I joined the school band and played the flute. The most memorable event was taking part in the National Day parade (1981). The organisers had brought together school bands from all over the country. I missed one week of school having to rehearse every day at the grounds of Universiti Malaya. It was exciting and interesting to meet students from other states. We quickly learn who were the snobs and who were friendly. I will refrain from naming any schools here. Don't want to risk being 'boo-ed'.

When I turned 16, my father's friend gave me a guitar as a birthday gift. That guitar was more than just an musical instrument. It was a tool that helped me develop some self-esteem that I seemed to be lacking. I learned to play the guitar on my own and from a whole load of tutoring by my brother's friends.

Age 17 - 20:
When I completed my secondary school education, I continued my studies at Stamford College, PJ. I was beginning to find myself. After my 'A' Levels, I decided to take up a Legal Secretary's Course at Vanto Academy. That qualification led me to a job in a law firm, which opened doors to other opportunities in the future years.

I also began to get more involved socially. The Catholic community in my Taman always needed a guitarist to accompany them during Christmas carolling and prayer gatherings. Although I wasn't an excellent guitarist, I was good enough for them. Beggars can't be choosers, I always thought. I eventually got involved with the youth group at the church level. I still lacked a little confidence when it came to guys. I had a whole bunch of pretty girlfriends which made me feel invisible all the time. I had a poster of Garfield in my room that said, "If you want to look thinner, hang around fat people." I was beginning to think that maybe I should be hanging around uglier people. Nah! I could not do that. I loved my girlfriends. We had lots of fun. It was not their fault that they were naturally gorgeous.

I was 19 when I met TJ. We wrote to each other a lot. This was before the dawn of the internet and handphones. No such thing as emailing and text messaging. It was just old fashioned hand-written letters. The Malaysian postal system was making some money then. I bought my postal stamps from the local sundry shop and then posted my letters whenever I was out in town. Those were the days of snail mail.

Anyway, this friendship with TJ lasted for many years. I never knew how he felt because he always played down any hopes I harboured. I never asked him outrightly because I did not want to sound desperate. He probably had an inkling of what I had hoped for but did not encourage me to think that far ahead. Since nothing was said as the years passed, I took it easy and did not build up anymore dreams of being with him. I accepted him as a friend. We met each other off and on. I enjoyed a platonic relationship with him. I did not buy into anything affectionate that he said; lest I got disappointed. For someone who avoided a commitment, he certainly did not have any qualms about bringing me home to meet his family. Talk about the confusion he put me through! mau, tak mau, mau, tak mau. *sigh*

He finally said something .... 13 years later - one month before my wedding.

Jacqui's drama - to be continued .....

(Song played - Yesterday, When I Was Young by Andy Williams)